dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize