I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
