The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
