i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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