How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Randomize
