2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize