If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
