Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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