did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
