My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
