if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
