1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
