For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
