glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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