Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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