how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
