you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
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I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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