You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Randomize
