apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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