im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
