Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
it's like heaven, but drunker
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
