a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I have fence marks all over my body
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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