I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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