So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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