White coat. Heels.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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