forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
