the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
