you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
