your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize