I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
