don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
