I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
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