You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
barbara walters just said penis...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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