I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize