Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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