All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
