I seem to have left my pride at pride
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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