we have officially mastered the walk of shame
It was confusing and full of hummus
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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