oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
