My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
