Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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