Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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