I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
