Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
