i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
