i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
