Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
