Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
