My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
