Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
