What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
