Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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