WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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