i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
PANTIES FOUND
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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