Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
