if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
