$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Randomize
