I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
we're making bets on your personal life
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
