Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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