yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
