Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
