sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize