I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
