im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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