I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
