My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
