if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
