worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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