I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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