I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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