Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize