He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
