i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he thought i was a dude.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Randomize
