I'm so fucking centered right now
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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