dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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