Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
