3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
