My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
