So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
